When I became a mom, I didn’t subtract from my personal goals, I merely maintained them. Mainly, I wanted to be a strong role model for my son. I wanted to show him that you could have a thriving career and a happy family, and more importantly that you could get there no matter what your circumstances. For me that would be no college degree or financial support from my parents, just hard work and dedication.
Being a Paralegal hasn’t necessarily allowed a flexible schedule giving me the time I’d like with my family. Balancing work and being present has been a struggle but luckily I have a very supportive hubby. As the due date for BB2* swiftly approaches and hubby is in the perfect spot to support our family and me being a stay at home mom for a few years, I’ve been wondering if my reservations about being at home all the time and not contributing financially, but ultimately in a more impactful way, would be such a bad thing after all. I’ve been daydreaming about being my own boss for a while. Not having to answer to someone or swallow my pride and put a sarcastic smile on for no reason other than to make sure my boss is happy sounds pretty nice. It’s MY time now!
When I go back and mull it all over, the time spent at work in comparison with the time I’ve had with my family, is depressing. I see the time I’ve spent working as valuable moments I’ve missed with my first son in his progression towards being a contributing member of society, time that has been missed with my amazing hubby to foster our marriage, time that has been missed with my little family to grow closer as a whole.
The majority of the time my son has spent growing up thus far, has been spent at home with my hubby or at a pricy daycare. I’m still a little jealous my hubby got to witness our son’s first smile, his first steps, the first time he crawled and his first giggle. I only got to see these milestones via cell phone video. [Side Note: I’m EXTREMELY grateful for modern technological advances!] In my opinion, your first child is different from any other child you have (not when it comes to levels of love or the care you provide), but with your first child everything you go through is a first for everyone including your child.
We have just three months until BB2* arrives and hubby and I are working DILIGENTLY to make sure this stay at home idea will pan out the way we plan it to in our heads. We’re trying to get ahead, we’re trying to budget, I’m working on finding a “side hustle” or any way possible that will allow me to stay home with our second son as long as I can. Leaving my newborn, who is unable to speak up for himself or report his day to me, in the care of someone at a daycare facility that I put all my faith into because of how much money I am spending, but whom ultimately may not do things the way I prefer or give my baby the amount of attention I deem appropriate, is terrifying to me.
Today, I have a five year old son who needs and deserves mine and my hubby’s undivided attention, especially since these are the last few months when all of our attention belongs to JUST him. These are the last few months where we can take weekend trips without worrying about stopping to change a diaper or feed the baby. These are the minutes that feel like seconds that I just want to enjoy with my one baby, who will already be going to Kindergarten in the Fall. This may sound cliché, but the time REALLY does fly by.
*BB2 = Baby Boy #2