It seems like it was just yesterday that Daddy and I were standing there in our first apartment, exhausted, both of us covered in vomit and poop (none of which was our own), staring at each other, and without words wondering how in the world we would raise this little human being (that of course being YOU). Daddy and I were rookies, and babies do not come with instruction manuals. Sure, a lot of people had a lot of unsolicited advice, some good and some bad, but in life you have to make mistakes yourself first to learn anything valuable.
I’ll be the first to admit that Daddy and I are not perfect, but I am genuinely pleased with the compassionate and imaginative young man you’ve grown to be over the past five years. You’re intelligent, witty, sarcastic, funny and just an all-around cool kid. So technically, if you ever need to blame someone for taking the undivided attention you have been receiving for five years away from you, you’ll have to blame yourself. If you weren’t so great Daddy and I wouldn’t have wanted another baby!
Although some mistakes were made and I probably didn’t need to use as much Purell, inevitably causing your latent germophobia, I wouldn’t change one second of anything. I wouldn’t trade the unforgettable moment you shot poop at me for the first time, I wouldn’t trade the overall loss of sleep I’ve had over the years (as having a child tunes you into EVERY imaginable noise possible and now I hear you even when you’re not yelling for me), I wouldn’t even trade the times you got carsick (which was pretty much any time we went anywhere further than 10 miles in the car for the first 3 years of your life)…the smell still haunts me.
I want to thank you for so much. It was YOU who made me a mommy. You taught me what true unconditional love feels like and it is an indescribable feeling. You will always be my first newborn, my first preschooler, the first person whose butt I wiped, the first person I bathed, you are the first person I fed, you are the first person who projectile vomited on me, the first person I worried about all day (when I wasn't with you) and you are the first person who made me forget COMPLETELY about myself. You have given me the five happiest and most rewarding years of my life and I’ve done everything in my power to make your first five years the happiest for you.
As you know, in a few short weeks, you will officially be promoted to Big Brother which means you will no longer be an only child. You have shown a lot of excitement about having a baby brother and I absolutely love that. Your excitement shows me that you will be just as great at it as I thought you would be. I can’t wait to watch you learn and grow from the transition of being an only child to having a sibling. I’m not going to lie to you; I want you to know some days will be better than others (babies are hard work) and some days you’ll probably want to “give him back.” Some days you might think I love Ben more than you simply because taking care of a baby requires a lot of time and attention.
I want you to remember something VERY important, if you’re ever feeling frustrated and you think I love you less because I’m being “mean” to you, know that because of you I have an ever-growing place in my heart that you made the day you came into my world and looked up at me for the very first time. That ever-growing place in my heart has enough love for you, your brother and your daddy! I also need you to remember that even though things will change, my love for you will only grow as the years progress.
It’s undeniable that change can be scary sometimes, but change is good. Change may make you uncomfortable at first, but we learn how to adapt. This will most likely be the only sibling you have so please make the most of it! Having a brother is a gift. I was an only child and there were so many times I was bored or wished I had someone to play with after school or when friends went home. Just remember, when Ben is driving you crazy (he inevitably will) and you need your personal time that is completely fine. Please always try to remember he looks up to you because you're his big brother. You will now know what it feels like to love someone the way Daddy and I love you, what it feels like to want to be protective of someone the way we do with you and what it’s like to be irritated by someone for wanting to be around you all the time (i.e., like when you want to go to the bathroom in peace without an audience). Ben will not only learn from you, but you will learn from him.
I promise to continue to do everything in my power to make you happy. I’m still not perfect and I never will be. Please be patient with me and I will be patient with you. I promise to always listen and be there for you ANYTIME you need me, or even if you just want to talk. You are my first born son and you have taught me so much about myself. The bond you and I have can never be broken or replaced. I will ALWAYS do everything I can to never let you feel anything but love and joy.